All research shows that a person who has friends gains bonuses in the form of a stronger immune system, more stable blood pressure, and a longer lifespan.
At the same time, even relationships with our closest friends can become tense, and interacting with them can bring not satisfaction, but anxiety and worry. Carlin Flora (in her book “Friendfluence”) describes various kinds of toxic friendships and explains what causes them.
There are friendships that trigger both positive and negative feelings at the same time. These kinds of ambivalent relationships lead to an overall decline in wellbeing.
If your friends have harmful habits, research shows there's a very high chance you'll pick them up too.
Susan Heitler and Sharon Livingston listed signs of an “unhealthy” friendship:
a bad friend makes you feel like you're competing with her other friends;
she talks about herself far more than you do;
she allows herself to criticize you condescendingly, but immediately becomes defensive if you criticize her back;
when you're together, you feel like you're walking on thin ice, because at any moment you might trigger her anger or disapproval;
the relationship is dominated by so-called emotional swings: one day she can be warm and caring, and the next she withdraws and acts as if you're barely acquainted.
For women, toxic friendship poses a greater risk than it does for men.
In 2014, a Carnegie University study found an interesting correlation while examining the social lives of healthy women over 50. It turned out that when women over 50 experienced an increase in negative episodes in their relationships with others, their risk of developing hypertension also rose.
Unreasonable demands and criticism from those around them, disappointments, “trading courtesies” — all of this made the appearance of hypertension 38% more likely among the study's subjects. But no link was found in men between negative communication and elevated blood pressure. This is likely because women, in general, tend to care more about relationships between people and are socially predisposed to pay more attention to them.
Negative communication also contributes to inflammatory processes in the body, in both women and men, according to research by Jessica Chiang.
Fear of experiencing pain in relationships and reluctance to face disappointment leads to loneliness and detachment from other people. Yes, there's a chance of experiencing stress in toxic relationships. But relationships don't have to follow a negative script!
The joy of being in sincere, genuine friendships is worth the risk of making friends!
