Often, as a psychologist, I myself try to find answers to these questions in a similar situation.
In these questions it's simply impossible not to see the pain of broken mothers' hearts who have lost hope.
In such moments, parents wish they could go back, see and change every mistake in their parenting.
No one can answer with certainty why your child started using drugs, especially not at the first meeting. Everyone has their own reason, their own story...
In such a situation, the answer to “why” may no longer be so important. What matters is understanding what to do and what NOT to do next. And both are equally important.
Let's start with what NOT to do (to avoid additional mistakes).
So, the first thing parents should not do is:
- Do not fall into despair. Life, despite everything, goes on.
- Do not be frightened of or condemn the child.
- Do not tell him that he needs to pull himself together and stop. He simply won't have the strength to do it alone.
- Do not indulge his addiction or give in to his manipulation. A child may tell you that if he doesn't pay off a debt, he will be killed, or that he will end his life if he doesn't get money from you. Your answer to such statements must always be “NO.” Simply put, do not give money to people struggling with addiction!
- Don't take on the role of rescuer and try to stop the substance use single-handedly, or try to take complete control of his life.
- Don't rush to pay off all the debts that often come with this situation.
- Don't leave him/her alone in an apartment where there is money or other valuables.
- Don't turn to charlatans and fake healers who promise to quickly free your child from any addiction.
- Don't spend all your time scouring the internet trying to become a “home addiction specialist” yourself.
- Don't set yourself up for an easy and quick victory, but don't lose hope either.
What you should do:
- Try to calm down.
- Understand that it is not within your power to change the situation!
- Talk with your child. Tell them that despite the fact that they are “using,” you still love them and want to help, to go through the whole healing process together.
- Let them know that you are ready to help them go through a rehabilitation program or send them to a rehabilitation center of their own choosing — but that you will not give them money!
- Try to find out exactly what your child is using.
- Find a specialist who professionally deals with solving this problem. Parents always fear that their child will inevitably be put on some official register, and that this will completely ruin their life. Don't delay — this only makes the problem worse, since time is not on your side.
- Find a competent specialist, an expert in this area, and start working with them immediately. All consultations should be confidential.
- A specialist will help you find a group where you can find support from other parents at every stage of your child's recovery.
- Pay attention to your own attitude toward smoking, alcohol, and other chemical substances.
- Help your child begin a new life.
Don't despair. Nothing is impossible. Reach out for help, and soon there will be changes for the better in your family.
Vladimir Aleksandrovich
